Dreamtime #11

We had moved away from London, and I had to get the bus to work for the first time. I wasn't sure which bus I needed so I got on the first one that came along. I realised something was amiss as it was occupied by a youth football team. We drove to a disused quarry, which had a huge muddy lake in the middle of it. The coach retired to a wooden hut to get drunk and the players were given dry bread and cheese to eat. I sat on a raft in the middle of the lake, but it sank, the water wasn't deep so I walked out, and set off down a hill to find a way out. There was a small village just a few minutes away, with a train station. I asked some schoolboys on the platform what sort of destinations were available, they seemed puzzled by the question but eventually told me that you could go to France, and also to South Wales which was quite nice. I looked at the timetable, and after a string of place names I didn't recognise, the final destination was indeed FRANCE. This seemed useless to me, so I went back up to the quarry and shared the last piece of bread and cheese.

Dreamtime #10

I was surprised to see a huge diamond ring embedded in the wall of a New York depertment store. I was puzzled that no one else seemed to notice it?

Dreamtime #9

I came downstairs to find that the cats had been fighting. They were both bleeding really badly, and each of them had torn off one of the others ears. I scrambled around madly packing the cats ears in ice so I could take them to the vet to have them sewn back on.

Dreamtime #7

Madonna announced she had discovered a new massage technique, she allowed long haired rabbits to walk up and down her back. Billie thought this sounded like a good idea, but when she checked Madonna's back she saw lots of bites and bloody marks, so decided agdainst it.

Dreamtime #6

Two dreams, the first triggered by a forthcoming Patti Smith reading at the ICA. The event was advertised by a picture of a bunch of bananas covered in a greasy brown sugary gloop. Billie and I turned up and went into the cinema (where the reading was taking place). There were two rows of assorted chairs and stools at the front which were blocking the view. B. was happy where she was but I went and tried several different seats, but ended up standing at the side. Patti eventually came on and was interviewed by a real twattish Jeremy Kyle type. He kept saying the answers she was giving didn't make sense and kept insisting she clarify everything. The stage was invaded, and the event taken over by a group of radical feminists, but they didn't know what to do with it? One of them turned the lights on, but they were too hot? The End.

The second dream was more of a nightmare. Bilie, Adam, Toby and I were walking alongside a dirty muddy canal. Adam and Toby launched into a mock fight, and Billie tried to move away from them, stepped backwards and fell in the canal. I ran downstream to some metal steps that went down into the brown water to try and catch her as she came past. But then I woke up.

Dreamtime #5

Jen and Sid were going to have a boxing match to decide who was going to leave town. They lived in America in a place called Firhatch. Jen was a member of an anti-firearms group whose slogan was 'Yeah Burn Your Guns'. Jen was represented by a mid-twenties Zach Braff look-alike, and Sid was a thickset thirty-something black man, who I've seen in a photograph by Robert Mapplethorpe. Didn't see them fight but saw them sparring, and they looked fairly evenly matched.

Dreamtime #4

I was sitting on the living room couch, when I heard some rustling from the skirting board and two huge cockroaches crawled out. They were more like lobsters, or crayfish and were pink with big flappy claws. They kept making moves toward me, and I threw my slippers and a tea towel at them. I even turned over the coffee table onto one of them, but I knew they were tough critters and I'd need some special equipment to deal with them. What I needed was a large square of thick white card, with a small square missing from the middle, which was covered with cling film. This needed to be placed over the cockroach, so that it was trapped under the central cling film section. I could then hammer a nail into the beasts scaly back.

Dreamtime #3

I was waiting outside one of those hi-tech kerb-side loos for ages. Eventually the door opened and a man lead out two camels??

Dreamtime #2

I was on the panel of an X-Factor type show. The act was a self taught interpretive dancer, dressed in a silver leotard. He danced to traditional folk and punk songs, sort of a cross between Michael Clark and Billy Elliot. The cruel verdict was that he was a novelty act and would never make the grade in a proper ballet company.

Dreamtime

Dreamed that we had a massive new garden, however it was full of huge stone mushrooms, which needed to be thinned out before we could plant anything. They had some sort of cartoonish magical quality though so it was hard to decide which ones had to go.